Life is always full of challenging and difficult situations. In business, no matter how much positive thinking you do, you will always have big problems sometimes. There are things you cannot control– such as the global economy– that can cause a lot of problems for your business.
In our personal lives, difficult and complex situations will always happen too. We can get sick… or people we love might get sick. Relationships change. People die. One day, we die.
We cannot avoid all of these situations. And often, we cannot control them.
Sometimes people believe that “the secret” of positive thinking will help them avoid all big problems and have good luck all the time. This is not true. We all know it’s not true, because you only need to look at your own life to see that difficult situations always keep coming, no matter how you think.
The secret is NOT to avoid difficult situations– the secret is HOW you react to difficult situations. Most people face these situations by complaining, or becoming depressed, or quitting, or getting angry. When you do this, of course, you only make the situation worse… and it’s easy to then become a pessimistic defeated person.
We can’t choose all of the events in our lives, but we CAN choose how we handle them.
As many of you know, Tomoe and I recently became divorced. We aren’t going to discuss the details of why… except to say that there was no hurtfulness or anger between us. There were just some things we could not solve, even though we wanted to. That happens in life… in relationships, in business, in all aspects of life.
The question is, what do you do about it? How you face difficult and painful situations is probably more important than what you do when everything is easy and wonderful.
It’s easy to be positive and strong and kind when everything is the way you want it to be. But what about when things don’t happen as you want?
What I have found in my life is this: when painful things happen we always feel bad, of course. But if we can nonetheless stay positive and find learning, growth, and opportunity during these times our lives can become magnificent. In the future, we will often look back to these events and be thankful for the difficulty and pain, because they pushed us to grow.
Here’s a small example from my life: I was teaching at a university in Thailand and I enjoyed my job. The students were great. However, at that time I was trying a lot of new teaching methods. The students LOVED the new methods,… but one day my boss found out that I was not following the standard textbook and methods. He also found out that I was giving a lot of my students good grades. The boss had a meeting with me and he told me I had to use only the textbook… and had to lower my students’ grades.
He said if I didn’t, I would lose my job. I thought about it and then said, “No”. I quit and lost the job. At the time, it seemed like a horrible situation. I was stressed about money. I was stressed about finding another job. I felt really terrible.
BUT, I decided to remain positive and focus on opportunities. This event, in fact, made me realize that I had to start my own company… so I could be free to teach as I wanted. I realized I could never serve my students if I had a boss telling me what to do.
It was painful then, but now I am soooo grateful for that event. That painful event is one reason I eventually started Effortless English. Today, I am much much happier as a teacher. I’m helping so many more students. My teaching methods are much more powerful. Today, I am extremely grateful for that painful event.
If it had not happened, perhaps I would still be teaching at schools… secure but bored. Instead, I am living my dream.
Whenever I face very difficult situations, I remember this story.
I remember that the ultimate meditation or prayer is not to pray for luck or for help,… nor to ask for anything. Rather, the ultimate expression of faith is to simply and always be grateful.. and to find gratitude in all situations.
And so in these times, I focus on my favorite zen saying/meditation/prayer, and I say it often:
“Thank you for everything. I have no complaints whatsoever”
March 16th, 2010 at 3:40 am
Your English has been my favorite for long, and now your thoughts are doing the same job. Keep up!
March 16th, 2010 at 4:04 am
You are not only my teacher in English, but also my teacher in everyday lift. Thank you, A.J.
March 16th, 2010 at 5:02 am
Very inspiring!
March 16th, 2010 at 5:15 am
an excellent article. it’s full of positive words which we read need when having bad experience
thank you Aj
March 16th, 2010 at 5:19 am
I want to say the same to you.
like HongKong people always says ‘Never give up’!
March 16th, 2010 at 6:05 am
what a wonderful thought. thanks for everything means our acceptance is high.
“just as one door closes, another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we dont see the ones which open for us” alex graham bell
March 16th, 2010 at 6:31 am
Thanks so much for sharing your expirience about this idea.I am grateful for all the things that are around me.
Have a great day!
March 16th, 2010 at 9:45 am
Although you are facing a big challange which may affect your entire future, you are comming up with this great, empowering and uncommon explannation to what is happening. WOW. I’m really touched by your words and I wish you luck in every tiny part of your life.
March 16th, 2010 at 10:04 am
I admire you, especialy your thoughts. Facing with difficulties makes you to be more mature. we are always beside and support to you. Hope you always keep a positive mind like this.
March 16th, 2010 at 11:39 am
Fantastic thoughts, I just needed to hear exactly this right now, thank you so much for both teaching me English and sharing with your ideas.
Less than 3 years ago I could not speak English at all, my mark for the English test was ‘failed’. Fortunately, I discovered your website and amazing methods, now I am studying in the UK at university. Thank you once more.
Good luck!
March 16th, 2010 at 12:10 pm
Thank You For Everything.
It carried a big meaning,
Yes, life is always about uncertenty, we have to love ourself, look after yourself.And we must be ready.
March 16th, 2010 at 3:29 pm
There is wisdom in your perspection: when one door closes, a better door is about to open.
March 16th, 2010 at 6:10 pm
Thank you and Thank you
March 16th, 2010 at 6:27 pm
Reading you article I remember a quote that I heard in a Jim Rohn’s seminar.
It’s something like that:
“When the final book of your story is finally written, let it shows your winnings and you losses but don’t let it show you didn’t play.”
Thank you too, AJ.
March 16th, 2010 at 8:10 pm
Your history is so motivation to students in the beginning in their career and is so powerfull too.
I like to learn english in your course. Your course is more cheapear than others and much more understanding and agreeable.
Everyday I heart your lessons on the supermarket, in the car, in the house, in my work, in my trips.
I won´t have any words to say: Thank you and I´m so gratefull for your decision.
March 16th, 2010 at 8:45 pm
it’s nice and great ideas . i like it very much also i appreciate Ur thoughts
March 17th, 2010 at 12:10 am
thank you for everything aj l improve my english after you send me every lesson every week thank so much for your help
March 17th, 2010 at 1:35 am
I believe so much as well in painful situations that will lead us to a better situation in our life whatsoever. So far…I just go with the flow – ups and downs will make us even much stronger. A.J. Hoge you’re my inspiration in learning any foreign language. Never change a bit the way you are now…
March 17th, 2010 at 6:08 pm
we understand AJ . and if – God Forbid – we had the same situation , we’d do like you did .
but what we feel is , you has missed a very great helpful ….etc woman from your house , you missed the wifehouse . we missed the one of our family in EffortlessEnglish , as if we miss an absolutely related kin .
we feel the same as we feel when we – God forbid – miss our beloved grandparents , or our girl-or-boy-friends .
Our heart was , is and will be aching .
it’s a painful event .
AJ please , we had a lack of our motivation by this .
and we hope to forget this , to increase our motivation .
Love for you and Tomoe & EE members .
March 18th, 2010 at 2:00 pm
I am sure you are going to outlive this bad period of your life.Sometimes is beter a person to be alone than to be alone with someone.
I wish you health,love and happiness.
I am happy to be your student!
March 19th, 2010 at 3:35 am
That’s fantastic! I’m really enjoy your method now. Thanks you so much A.J
March 19th, 2010 at 12:19 pm
AJ,
WOW, we’re deeply touched and encouraged by your words.
“Thank you for everything. I have no complaints whatsoever”
Live STRONG and Live With PASSION,
Dan (Xiang Bin)
Education Director
Shanghai MainTop Institute of Continuing Education
http://www.crazyedu.cn/
March 19th, 2010 at 2:58 pm
God is love and God bless you.
March 19th, 2010 at 3:51 pm
Thank you A.J. for your lessons.
The email course help me. I haven’t a website or blog?
March 20th, 2010 at 9:53 am
Thank you, AJ!
I was unhappy since my unsatisfied test result. However,after I read your essay. I do not worry about it anymore. As you say “past does not influence future”. I should forget the negative effect. In contrast, I should appreciate it since I can do it better and calmer in the future. It taught me that I should not be nervous and I can improve.
Thanks again.
Tim
March 22nd, 2010 at 9:29 pm
Thank you, for this inspiring article, AJ! Yes Positive thinking is not everything but it gives you good mood. Dail Carnegi wrote books about how to deal with worries and began to live . Yes bad things happen , even then you’re positive. For example, relatives die of old age. One should accept, that happens! As for a divorce . It looks like a bad experience also for most of menship. People think about it as negative event. But may be it was a good period of life together, you should thank each other for happy minutes together, so it was good experiment, but it finished , nobody knows why love stops. May be marriage is important and exiting period of life in people’s life. But sometimes being married is a hindrance to further progress. Great people often lonely. They pay much attention to their work and success. I think wife was of great help too you and a big supporter in undertakings about beginning to be independent, successful, incouraging teacher.
Next passage is just my crazy thoughts hope you don’t pay attantion to them (and using emdr technics forget them) but i wrote it nevertheless. May be the prise of success in you career, in job is family relation? For example, women who pay much attention to their education and career don’t have enough time for family life or thier partner. So they are in search of relations then they have free time. May be it’s not the best way . But it is the way it is. So it is difficult but it is possible to be happy in private life and in making career and people happy. Said my sister , then i told her what i think. She said everithing is possible and for everything there is a time.
March 23rd, 2010 at 7:43 am
Thank you for everything
. I like to listen to you. You are a very good person. One question I have is that where is the Effortless English club FORUM. I want to post there and contact many English learners.
March 25th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
when i see you and i listen to you i think you are a funny and good man. I want to thank you a lot for your english lessons I am happy to be a fan. I kiss you.
March 27th, 2010 at 3:40 pm
your stuff is very fantastic,
March 28th, 2010 at 3:04 pm
Thanks God, I’ve found you AJ! since then I started to think more positive and it is much easer to handle difficulties in my life
Thanks for Effortless English, cos it helped me to feel more confidence about my english and start travelling.
))
THANK YOU!!!
March 30th, 2010 at 10:05 am
thank u for u seven lessons
i think in the future i will take more lessons.
March 30th, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Hi A.j
It’s a great experience. I really like that because I had the similar story as you
April 1st, 2010 at 9:38 am
Hello A.J,nice to meet you.
Thank you so much.
Thanks God too…
April 2nd, 2010 at 7:31 pm
Best regadrs from Serbia and tanks lot for all you do!
http://www.diasporagroup.org
April 5th, 2010 at 4:07 pm
I thanked God for you. For The Lord our God has given you a special ability to reached out people through Teaching English.
I pray and wish for your good health, peace and joy, more strength and wisdom.
May Almighty God draw you closer to His Son Jesus. Be continually blessed and a blessing.
April 6th, 2010 at 1:19 pm
yes you are right, .
thanks . you are always inspiring me. 
you just reminded me of that the true pray is to thank for everything whatever comes.
have a nice day.
i know you do . haha
love
yoonjung
April 6th, 2010 at 3:59 pm
Thank you for everything, that’s I want to say for everything you did. Your story has changed my mind although just a little
April 9th, 2010 at 1:01 am
Hello, tnak you for everythin, until now
I am reading the rule 5,and I mean that are very usefull , thanks a lot bye…
April 11th, 2010 at 3:51 am
Thank you sir for your meaningful article.I love it.send it more next thanks.
All the best
April 12th, 2010 at 2:58 am
Dear Teacher!
you are amezing.Your lessons are help me a lot.
May God bless you.
Thanks agans
April 15th, 2010 at 2:20 pm
Thank you so much for everything
I love English, but I need more information about this course because I have been registered as member club but no have any information… How I do to start this lesson with you?
Thank
April 21st, 2010 at 10:07 pm
thank you very much
April 24th, 2010 at 4:36 am
My life is also very difficult now. But, thanks God, I was inspired much by you.
April 25th, 2010 at 2:55 pm
Hi A.J
Reading this article I realized who all you wrote is true.I am grateful for all you do to all the people everyday for me as well.
Sorry about your marriage. Take care.
May 10th, 2010 at 8:33 pm
Hi A.J.
Thank you so much everythink
May 12th, 2010 at 7:31 am
Dear A.J:
You are a excillent english teacher,also
you are teaching our how to live.
You are a life coacher.
thank you very much.
student qingquali
May 14th, 2010 at 6:25 pm
i read all your messages thanks god it was good
but i need study dialogues between two men
May 16th, 2010 at 8:19 pm
Dear Mr. A.J Hoge,
Greetings!
Thank you so much for sharing your past incident which gave us a great lesson that we should never be depressed in any difficultties and always should be positive in life.
Best wishes,
Srijana
May 29th, 2010 at 7:34 am
Dear My teacher AJ,
I learn a lot from you and I would like to say thank you to you. Now I take action and your lessons have change my life. And your business lesson is the most important lessons I have ever had.
All the best,
Chris
May 29th, 2010 at 11:41 am
thanks for your website.
Wish you the best things. Keep up please!!
June 1st, 2010 at 3:26 pm
Hi AJ,
realy, your lessons are great! I listen it every day and I am so surprised! after 10years learning of english I still can’t speak well but until my friend show me your wonderful lessons I feel much much better. Now I believe that it is possible to speak english well. Thank You so much for emails with 7 rules too. You are great. I love listening your audios, they have lot of positive energy whitch help learning too. Wow. Well done AJ! 
You are the best teacher I’ve ever seen!
June 4th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
you’re great A.J,
end of a short time (few hours
)) i think you’re a really good teacher.
Your story is very helpful and understandable..
thank you,
June 9th, 2010 at 10:32 am
thank you so much , you are great. i love lisening your audios,your lessons are great! thank you !!!
June 10th, 2010 at 2:19 am
Thanks Got…Alhamdulillah..I almost lost this moment to read this, it realy inspires me to change, A.J… you’re not only a very very great teacher, but open my mind, maybe..millions minds people in the world…I just only can give you a very big hope that you are allways in good health, good condition, and keep helping people around the world with your great method ! Thank A.J
June 13th, 2010 at 9:47 pm
Hi A J HOGE How’re you/ I’m doing great I listened to Anthoney Robbin video .Frankly I couldn’t get even a single word at the beginning then I accessed to his website and listened more I started to understand his fast speech I think I got 40 percent instead of 0.
June 19th, 2010 at 12:00 pm
Hi, I want learn english help
thanks
June 20th, 2010 at 10:59 am
Thank you my teacher. Thank You for teaching attempts for foriegners. I’m very glade to you. Best wishis from Mongolia.
June 30th, 2010 at 7:06 am
hello sir.. I really interested to know more english and hope you can help me.
July 3rd, 2010 at 9:15 pm
hi im one of ur new students and i proud to be
u have agreat thoughts teacher i started my study which in all in english one year ago and during it my english improve alot but till now im still confused when coming to talk ,its hard for me to translate i will follow ur lessons and i hope to be benifited thanks for u A.J
July 5th, 2010 at 10:46 am
Thank teacher!
I love it.
July 8th, 2010 at 11:00 am
Hi, AJ
thanks very much for your concern to sent me some lessons, to grow. that is my problem, im not very good in english. i want to be like others talking like a flowing water without thinking. I mean authomatically comes out.
Im housewife, I want to get a job. I hope it will help me alot. I cannot by at the moment, someday Im planning for my child. thanks very much!!!!! more success to come
July 9th, 2010 at 3:56 pm
hello AJ
I am in the beginning and the beginning of a beautiful and God willing, I keep with you
Thank you
su
July 15th, 2010 at 10:48 am
Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
July 17th, 2010 at 6:28 pm
Hello.You are the best teacher for me.Thanks a lot.I’m a self-taught woman but I have some difficulties in my speach.I’d like to speak English fluently.I hope I’d do this with your help.
July 29th, 2010 at 8:19 pm
It’s okay now,but the previous one vanished … and now short of time to repeat… tnx for everything!
July 30th, 2010 at 7:57 am
Dear Sir,
You are the best teacher of English because your each method is effective to learn English fluently.I listen to your topics frequently which widely inspires me to learn accurate pronunciation.Many of us know english language but they can’t express themselves in english because of wrong pronunciation & method but I think,if they hear your speeches in internet then their wrong ideas & shyness will remove away automatically.I advise many of us to listen to your english method.However I would like to hear english from you according to situation in future & wishing you all the best.
Thanking you,
Asad.
Bangladesh.
July 31st, 2010 at 3:42 pm
How great this article is !
thank Tr. AJ for every thing , your huge effort and hard work to teach us english by using the best methods that you create it for us
thank you again and again and again ….
Sara , KSA
August 5th, 2010 at 1:44 pm
HelloAJ,
Thank you for everything .
You are the person I really look up to.
Wishing you all the best
Thanking you all the time
your loving student
Aye
August 9th, 2010 at 12:07 am
Hello
AJ， thank you for all your help. l learn alot from you. I appreciate the words “we can’t choose the events in the life, but we can choose how we handle them”
You are a good teacher, a brave and strong men. Your attitude towards life encouraged me !
August 11th, 2010 at 2:33 pm
AJ you are a very emotional smart person. You are one of the very few people who might think and react this way. I cannot say more!!
August 25th, 2010 at 3:59 am
Life is always full of challenging and difficult situations.
you said right.i agree with u.thanks,you gave me a good way in business
September 2nd, 2010 at 2:35 am
Hello Mr. AJ
I would like to tell you that I’m not just glad that I have such a great teacher but also to know an amazing person
Thank you for every thing
i wish you all the best and luck in your life
regards
September 5th, 2010 at 4:00 pm
Mr.Hoge,
I don’t know why, but, I believe you. I agree to your positions on life’s thoughts.
Unfortunatly my poor English prevent me from fully expressing the good image for you. Maybe your clear speaking was a good reason to attract my attention. I hope me to be your stunded in the near future.
September 6th, 2010 at 2:15 am
A.J,i like your en course very very much,u change my life style.
thanks
September 6th, 2010 at 2:16 am
and may u help much more people,thanks again.
September 8th, 2010 at 3:26 pm
Many thanks for your english system well prepared.
Good work and sucess in whole.
September 26th, 2010 at 10:16 am
Hi A J,
I really love your spirit. And I do believe that’s the real power that get people progressed in english by practicing your magical thoughts.
It’s magnificant to me when I saw this article which is really touching my heart.
Will join the course very soon and wish you fulfill all your dreams.
October 1st, 2010 at 6:02 pm
What an excellent article. I have learnt a lot from you, you teach me English, confidence and motivation etc……A.J. You are a great teacher. Thank you so much for creating Effortless English.
October 1st, 2010 at 10:11 pm
Hi,
Dear A J
You are the best teacher. I like your teacher so much. Now I know english very well better than before.I really admire you.Thank you so much for your sending me massage. Thank you so much for your everything.
October 1st, 2010 at 10:15 pm
Hi,
Dear A J
You are the best teacher. I like your teach so much.Your teaching is very good. I really improve in english a little bit. Now I know english very well better than before.I really admire you.Thank you so much for your sending me a lot of massage. I read your massage everyday.Thank you so much for your everything. I hope you will send me a lot of massage for me.
My Dear Teacher!
October 6th, 2010 at 7:42 am
Dear AJ
I think you have done the right thing for your life. You are a really good teacher. I really want to improve my English, especially for speaking. I will try my best to do it. I hope I will can speak English well. And I will try to follow your method.
October 9th, 2010 at 11:33 pm
I love what you have written
is real but at the same time
full of hope.
October 11th, 2010 at 9:35 am
Hi A J,
I really love your spirit. And I do believe that’s the real power that get people progressed in english by practicing your magical thoughts.
October 24th, 2010 at 1:03 am
Hello, thankyou for this marvelous article. we have to think always positive and are sure that all will be very good
becouse we are with ours God.
I love you.
October 26th, 2010 at 6:26 am
Hello teacher AJ,
You are the best teacher
Ilike your teacher somuch
Now i know english very well
Better than before
thank you so much for your every
thing thank you
October 29th, 2010 at 10:58 pm
Thanks a lot. you’re not only giving English lessons but moral lessons as well. I’ very pleased with that.
November 21st, 2010 at 12:30 am
Dear Teacher.
I’ve read and listened your way of teaching English and I’ve decided to begin studying with you I don`t want to be frustrated anymore I’be your student next week.
See you soon.
November 25th, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Dear A.J.
Since i started this excellent method, i ve’been donwloaded and organicing all lessons. Now iam preparing for begining a new way in my life, the way to learn English using your Effortless English learning course. I feel more confidence, relax and sure about my future and progress. That is why iam going to do an extra effort in order to learn Real English with your method. I am grateful for have found you in the internet.
thanks a lot,
Fernando
November 29th, 2010 at 11:31 am
Hello Dear teacher AJ, i am so happy to found you and yor Effortlesly english sistem! I want to thank you for the seven rules email coure,i realy enjoyed them, they are fantastic.I will buy your lessons because i believe that,they vill help me to improve my english. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
December 11th, 2010 at 11:13 pm
Hello Dear AJ, i am so happy to find you and yor EES! I want to thank you for everything you are doing for us (your students) You are not only a teachter for as you are also your life coach.
I bought your lessons because I believe that,your lessons vill help me to improve my english and my life. God bless you, THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH!
December 15th, 2010 at 1:50 am
Everything is very excelent
January 11th, 2011 at 8:01 pm
hello dear teacher i am happy because you are excellent teacher i want improve to my speak English everyday i am waiting for you lesson i am not forgot you thank you very much
January 15th, 2011 at 5:30 am
Everything happens for a reason and we can learn something from everything that happens to us. If it’s good, it’s wonderful–cherish it. If it’s bad, it’s experience–learn from it. If it’s worse, it’s a turning point–for the better.
January 27th, 2011 at 9:09 pm
Hello A.J
Thank you so much you are great and you methods is very helpfull
the 7 ruls are so good and i liked very very much.
thanks agian.
January 28th, 2011 at 11:16 am
i think you are really strong and i admire you because of your attitude,i hope these painful events happen for every one specially for me…
February 7th, 2011 at 5:34 pm
Hi,A.J
long time how I study english and improve my enlısh,speaking and around talking understand.So,I meet your method,the most short tıme I buy your course.I hope and thınk,I Can speak and understand about english.Thank you very much.
May 26th, 2011 at 8:02 pm
That was seriously incredible. in my life i had lots of problems but i never complained about them because i always thinked that problems doesn’t kills u. it’s just made me stronger. and now im always running toward my fears, if i have a height fear, i always beat my fears. by doing this things and watching ur videos i gained a very strong personality for my future.
May 27th, 2011 at 12:48 am
I also thank you for serving as a good teacher and inspiration to me. I can understand the way you feel because I also suffered almost the same fate as yours, and right now I’m still struggling to recover. I really admire your strength and your will to face those challenges head on. I hope I could do the same. More power and God bless you.
May 30th, 2011 at 10:56 am
Hi
thanks A J for all efforts you do to make us learn effortless
June 1st, 2011 at 6:29 pm
Hi teacher,
First thinks your interesting method before I can speak broken English
But now I can to speak English very well with every one and also I hoply
To send me some communication not
Thanks
form Kabul