You need to send a business email. In English. Three sentences. Simple.
You write the first sentence. Read it. Delete it. Write it again. Check the grammar. Change a word. Read it again. Google the phrase to make sure it’s correct. Change it again. Re-read the whole thing. Find another “mistake.” Fix it. Re-read. Fix another one.
Forty-five minutes later, you finally click send. For three sentences.
Then you immediately re-read the sent email and find something you wish you’d changed.
Sound familiar?
This is what I call The Email Anxiety Loop. And it’s destroying your productivity, your confidence, and your career. Not because your English is bad. Because your brain is trapped in a perfectionism cycle that schools programmed into you years ago.
In this article, you’ll learn:
- Why writing English emails triggers a unique type of anxiety different from speaking
- The perfectionism trap and how schools created it
- Why re-reading your email 10 times makes it WORSE, not better
- The “Send It Ugly” rule that high performers use
- A simple mental technique to break the loop in seconds
Why Email Anxiety Is Different From Speaking Anxiety
Speaking is scary because it’s fast. You can’t take back what you said. It’s live.
But email anxiety is a different kind of torture. Because you CAN re-read. You CAN edit. You CAN spend 45 minutes perfecting three sentences. And your brain exploits this.
When you speak, anxiety comes from speed. When you write emails, anxiety comes from the illusion of perfectibility. Your brain thinks: “I have time to make this perfect. So anything less than perfect is my fault.”
This is a trap. Because “perfect” doesn’t exist. Not in English. Not in any language. But your brain keeps searching for it. Edit. Re-read. Edit. Re-read. Forever.
Where did this come from? School. Every red mark on your paper. Every grammar correction. Every teacher who said: “This is wrong. Fix it.” Your brain learned: written English must be perfect. Mistakes are unacceptable. You will be judged.
And now, twenty years later, you sit at your desk paralyzed by a three-sentence email.
KEY TAKEAWAY: Email anxiety comes from the illusion of perfectibility. Because you CAN edit forever, your brain demands perfection. This perfectionism was programmed by years of school corrections. The result: 45 minutes for a 3-sentence email.
Why Re-Reading Makes Your Email Worse
This might surprise you.
The more times you re-read your email, the worse it gets. Not the email itself. Your PERCEPTION of it gets worse.
Here’s why. Every time you read a sentence, your brain finds something new to doubt. “Is this the right preposition?” “Should I use ‘regarding’ or ‘about’?” “Is this too direct?” “Is this not direct enough?”
You’re not fixing errors. You’re creating doubt. Each re-read adds a new layer of insecurity. By the tenth reading, you hate every word — even the ones that were perfectly fine.
Native English speakers write emails in two minutes. Not because their English is better. Because they don’t re-read ten times. They write it, scan it once, and send it. The email is fine. Yours is fine too. You just don’t believe it.
The “Send It Ugly” Rule
Here’s a rule that will change your work life. It sounds scary. Do it anyway.
Write the email. Read it ONE time. Send it.
That’s the rule. One draft. One read. Send.
I call it “Send It Ugly” because it will feel ugly to you. It will feel unfinished. Imperfect. Full of mistakes.
But here’s the truth. Your “ugly” email is probably perfectly fine. Your colleagues are not analyzing your grammar. They’re reading for content. They want to know: What does this person need? What’s the action item? What’s the deadline?
If your email communicates those three things clearly, it’s a good email. Period. Nobody cares if you used “regarding” instead of “about.”
The professional standard for email is: clear and timely. Not perfect.
And here’s the real benefit. When you send emails faster, you send MORE emails. You communicate more. You respond faster. You appear more engaged and reliable. Your career benefits from speed, not perfection.
KEY TAKEAWAY: Write your email. Read it once. Send it. Your “ugly” email is probably perfectly clear. Professional email requires clarity and timeliness, not grammatical perfection. Speed builds your career. Perfectionism destroys your productivity.
Breaking the Loop: The Defusion Technique
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “But A.J., I CAN’T just send it. My brain won’t let me. It keeps telling me the email is wrong.”
I hear you. Here’s a technique from clinical psychology that helps.
When the voice in your head says: “This email has mistakes. Don’t send it.” — don’t argue with it. Don’t try to convince yourself it’s fine. Instead, do this:
Say to yourself: “I notice I’m having the thought that this email has mistakes.”
That’s it. Just notice the thought. Don’t fight it. Don’t believe it. Just observe it.
This creates distance between you and the thought. The thought is still there. But it’s no longer in control. You can notice the thought AND still click send.
Try it again: “I notice I’m having the thought that my English isn’t good enough.” Notice it. And send the email anyway.
This technique is called cognitive defusion. It comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. The idea is simple: you don’t need to eliminate anxious thoughts. You just need to stop obeying them.
You can feel nervous AND send the email. You can doubt your grammar AND click send. The anxiety doesn’t have to control your actions.
A Quick System for Business Emails
Here’s a practical system to keep you from spiraling:
Line 1: Purpose. Why are you writing? “I’m writing to update you on…” or “I’m writing to request…”
Line 2-3: Details. What do they need to know? Keep it short. Use bullet points for multiple items.
Line 4: Action. What do you want them to do? “Please let me know by Friday.” or “Could you review and share your feedback?”
Line 5: Close. “Thank you.” or “Best regards.” Done.
Five lines. Purpose, details, action, close. You can write this in three minutes. Read it once. Send it.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do I take so long to write emails in English?
Email anxiety comes from the perfectionism trap. Because you can edit and re-read, your brain demands perfection. This perfectionism was created by years of school grammar corrections. The fix is the “Send It Ugly” rule: write the email, read it once, and send it. Your email is almost certainly clear enough after one reading.
How can I write professional emails faster in English?
Use a simple structure: state your purpose, give the key details, request a specific action, and close. This four-part formula works for 90% of business emails. Write it, read it once, send it. Don’t re-read multiple times. Use templates for recurring emails to save even more time.
How do I stop worrying about grammar mistakes in my English emails?
Use the cognitive defusion technique: when your brain says “this has mistakes,” respond with “I notice I’m having the thought that this has mistakes.” This creates distance from the anxious thought without fighting it. Then send the email anyway. Your colleagues care about clarity and timeliness, not grammatical perfection.
What to Do Next
Email anxiety is just one symptom of the deeper problem: English trauma. Schools programmed fear and perfectionism into your English. The solution is not more grammar study. It’s a complete psychology reset.
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Send it ugly. Send it fast. Move on to the next thing.
Commit, don’t quit.
— A.J. Hoge
