You’re in a meeting. You start to answer a question. And out it comes.
“So, um, I think, uh, the project, um, is going, uh, well.”
You hear yourself doing it. You hate it. You try to stop. But the more you try, the worse it gets.
Most English teachers will tell you: “Practice more vocabulary.” Or: “Think before you speak.” Or: “Just slow down.”
That advice doesn’t work. Because it treats the symptom, not the cause.
The real reason you say “um” and “uh” in English has nothing to do with vocabulary. It has everything to do with what’s happening in your nervous system.
In this article, you’ll learn:
- The real neuroscience behind why non-native speakers use filler words
- Why trying to stop saying “um” makes it worse
- The power of the strategic pause
- How to replace “um” with silence and sound more confident
- A speaking rhythm technique that eliminates filler words naturally
Why Do You Say “Um” in English?
Here’s what actually happens in your brain.
When you speak your native language, word retrieval is automatic. Your brain finds the next word so fast you don’t even notice. There is no gap between words. No space for “um” to fill.
But in English, word retrieval is slower. There ARE gaps. Small moments where your brain is searching for the next word. Normal. Natural. Happens to everyone learning a language.
Now add anxiety. When you’re nervous, your brain slows down even more. The gaps get bigger. And your brain panics because silence feels dangerous. Silence feels like failure. Silence feels like everyone is judging you.
So your brain fills the gap with sound. “Um.” “Uh.” “You know.” “Like.” Anything to avoid silence.
The filler word is not a language problem. It’s a fear-of-silence problem.
And schools trained this into you. In school, silence meant you didn’t know the answer. Silence meant a bad grade. Silence meant embarrassment. Your brain learned: silence is dangerous. Fill it. Fill it with anything.
KEY TAKEAWAY: Filler words like “um” and “uh” are not caused by poor vocabulary. They’re caused by your brain’s fear of silence. Years of school testing trained your brain to believe that silence equals failure. The solution is retraining your relationship with silence.
Why Trying to Stop Saying “Um” Makes It Worse
This is important to understand.
When you try NOT to say “um,” you add a NEW task to your brain. Now your brain is doing three things at once: Finding English words. Managing anxiety. AND monitoring yourself for filler words.
That’s three jobs. On an already overloaded brain. The result? MORE filler words. Not fewer. Because you increased the cognitive load.
This is like telling someone “Don’t think about a pink elephant.” What happens? You think about a pink elephant.
So what’s the solution? Don’t try to eliminate “um.” Replace it with something better.
The Power Pause: Replace “Um” With Silence
Here’s the technique. It’s simple but it requires practice.
When you feel an “um” coming — when you notice that gap where your brain is searching for the next word — do nothing. Say nothing. Just pause.
One second. Maybe two seconds. In silence.
This feels terrifying at first. Your brain screams: “Say something! The silence is too long! They’ll think you’re stupid!”
But here’s the truth. A two-second pause feels like an eternity to YOU. To the listener? It sounds confident. It sounds thoughtful. It sounds like you’re choosing your words carefully.
Think about powerful speakers. Politicians. CEOs. Great presenters. They pause constantly. Long pauses. And nobody thinks they’re stupid. People think they’re confident and in control.
The pause is a power move. “Um” is a fear move. Replace fear with power.
KEY TAKEAWAY: Don’t try to eliminate “um.” Replace it with a silent pause. A two-second pause sounds confident to listeners, even though it feels terrifying to you. Powerful speakers pause on purpose. It’s a sign of confidence, not weakness.
The Speaking Rhythm Technique
Here’s a practical way to train this.
Step 1: Speak in short bursts.
Don’t try to speak in long, flowing sentences. Speak in phrases of 4-7 words. Then pause. Then another phrase. Then pause.
Example:
“The project is on schedule. [pause] We completed the first phase. [pause] The team is working on phase two now. [pause] I expect results by next month.”
Short phrases. Clean pauses. No “um” needed because you’re pausing ON PURPOSE between phrases.
Step 2: Slow down by 20%.
Most non-native speakers talk too fast when nervous. They speed up because they want to finish before they make a mistake. But fast speech increases filler words. It also makes you harder to understand.
Slow down. Deliberately. About 20% slower than feels natural. This gives your brain more time to find words. Fewer gaps. Fewer filler words.
Step 3: Breathe between phrases.
Each pause is a micro-breath. A small inhale. This does two things: it fills the silence naturally (you’re breathing, not frozen), and it calms your nervous system slightly with each breath.
Phrase. Breathe. Phrase. Breathe. Phrase. Breathe.
This rhythm replaces the chaotic, filler-filled speech pattern with a calm, controlled, confident one. And it happens naturally once you practice it a few times.
The Acceptance Approach
One more thing. And this might surprise you.
Sometimes you’ll still say “um.” Even after practicing. And that’s fine.
Native English speakers say “um” too. All the time. It’s normal. The goal is not perfection. The goal is reducing filler words enough that they don’t distract from your message.
When you do say “um,” don’t react. Don’t cringe. Don’t apologize. Don’t think about it. Just continue. The listener barely noticed. Only you noticed.
The more you accept the occasional “um” without judgment, the less anxiety you have about it. Less anxiety means fewer filler words. It’s a positive cycle.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I stop saying “um” and “uh” in English?
Replace filler words with silent pauses. Speak in short phrases of 4-7 words, then pause deliberately between phrases. Slow your speaking speed by about 20%. Practice this rhythm regularly. The pauses replace the filler words naturally and make you sound more confident.
Why do non-native English speakers say “um” so much?
Non-native speakers have slightly slower word retrieval in English, creating small gaps during speech. Anxiety makes these gaps longer. The brain fills the gaps with filler sounds because years of schooling trained it to fear silence. The solution is retraining your comfort with brief silence and using deliberate pauses.
Do filler words make me sound less professional?
Occasional filler words are normal and natural — native speakers use them too. Excessive filler words can reduce perceived confidence. The most effective fix is replacing frequent fillers with deliberate pauses, which actually increase your perceived authority and confidence.
What to Do Next
Your filler word problem is not a vocabulary problem. It’s a confidence problem. And confidence is a skill you can learn.
Get my free book and learn the complete Effortless English system — the Engine (method) plus the Fuel (psychology):
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Commit, don’t quit.
— A.J. Hoge
